i’ve noticed a running theme in many of my conversations as of late. it’s about loss. of a loved one. of a pet. of a relationship that went sour. of a friendship that somehow faltered. of a memory that simply faded over time.

losing something cherished leaves a cavernous void. questions about why. anger about how. doubts about whether things will ever be the same.

from the pain comes grieving. and ultimately, with time, healing. but try as we might to wish for it, the truth is, with loss, things won’t. ever. be. the. same.

so what’s the use in putting yourself out there at all? of extending a hand. or making a connection. taking a risk. giving everything you have—with no guarantees.

the answer lies in the beauty you experienced in the moment. the lessons you learned the process. the realization that, even if you have lost them, you are forever changed because they were in your life.

if you’ve ever seen shadowlands, it’s a heart-wrenching story about c.s. lewis, author of the narnia books. in the movie, lewis (played by anthony hopkins) lives a cloistered, intellectual life, teaching at oxford and living a solitary existence that is devoid of the risk of emotional connection. then a poet and fan named joy gresham (debra winger) comes into his life and turns his world upside down. he unexpectedly falls in love…then tragically faces loss.

feeling alive. sharing joy. experiencing love—and even pain—is infinitely better than the absence of it.

"why love if losing hurts so much? i have no answers any more. only the life i have lived. twice in that life i've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. the boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. the pain now is part of the happiness then. that's the deal." – c.s. lewis in shadowlands