water under the bridge

have you ever had a friend let you down? a time when you needed them, and they bailed? a moment when things just blew up? when the angst took on a life of its own? an epiphany that made you say enough is enough. i’m done.

when you’re in the midst of drama, it’s vivid. it’s raging. and all you can see is red… and black and white. you think of how you were wronged. how they had the audacity to treat you that way. how you were right and they were clueless. how shades of grey were only reserved for met home layouts—not your life.

in circumstances like that, it’s easy to walk away. friendships are so hard to maintain as it is. who has the time or energy to deal with someone who’s not going to give you the respect you deserve? someone who you can’t count on when things get rough.

…and then time or facebook or a reunion or a wedding brings them back into your life. what do you do?

whether it’s been a few months or many years, memories come flooding back. relationships that weren’t meant to be. grudges that played out long ago in another life. friends that simply fell off the face of the earth due to changes that sent you in opposite directions.

when you look back, it’s amazing how the colors fade and edges soften. you realize how much you’ve changed. you wonder what all the fuss was about. you laugh about old times and experiences that you had back in the day. you amazingly pick up right where you left off.

and if it was a really good friend, you dig a little deeper, only to find that the day they let you down, they were down too. that when you had a problem, they were dealing with their own. that maybe, just maybe, it was timing or circumstances that conspired against you both.

as i’ve gotten older, i’ve come  to embrace the idea of forgiveness—of others and yourself. understanding that it’s sometimes complicated. accepting the past and moving on. truly valuing all the experiences you’ve had, places you’ve gone, people you’ve met, situations you’ve learned from. because it’s the bits and pieces of the past that shape you…and it’s never too late to add to the mosaic.

enduring bonds

one of my favorite things about traveling is discovering the quiet corners, off the beaten path, away from the tourist traps—where you can witness authentic moments, slices of daily life unfolding.

i took this photo in florence, in a sleepy little nook off of piazza santo spirito. it was one of those shots that you couldn't have staged any better: four little old ladies, sitting on a bench kibitzing about life, catching up on the neighborhood gossip, watching passers-by, all while enveloped by the shadow of a huge tree hanging overhead. the branches emanated from this core, a nucleus of friends who i was certain had sat in that very spot an infinite number of times before, doing the very same thing.

here, in italy, thousands of miles away from home, i was reminded of my own friends. sure, these "nonnas" had seen a few more years than us, but their gestures, their comfort with each other, they way they finished each other's sentences and laughed with hilarity at each other's stories—all of that was intimately familiar.

it occurred to me that some things are universal. though we all have our unique stories and experiences, we also have (hopefully) a core set of true friends and family, who aren't just bound to us by blood or obligation (those connections have most likely fallen off long ago), but who we truly cherish. who know our true selves, without pomp or pretense. to whom we can tell our deepest fears. who we know won't judge us, but who will also be straight, and call bullshit to keep us honest. who share memories that never get old in the retelling. who will always have our back, and who know you've got theirs.

friendships like these are priceless. like the image above, they ground us, anchor us, support us, inspire us. they make us laugh out loud on a regular clip (you know who you are, ladies!). they help us make sense of the madness. remind us that we are not alone. in short, they help us live life to the fullest.

as i get older, i find that the old adage is true: the more things change in life, the more some things stay the same. the bond of true friendship is one of the few things that endures.